Could I Have Done More?**

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“Lyle, this is Don, Janie Ellis’ brother,” the voice on the phone said.  “We’ve been trying to get hold of you.  We know you’ve been on vacation.  I need to tell you Sid died on Christmas day.”

Sid dead!  What would Janie, his wife, do now?

“He died very suddenly,” Don went on.  “I know you’ve been good friends.  The family would like you to do the funeral.”  Lyle’s mind began to race: "Sid was only 46.  Could I have said more to Sid about spiritual things?"  After Don said good bye, Lyle paused to reflect.

Sid and Janie were delightful people with whom Lyle had once enjoyed laughter and gentle banter.  But before Lyle moved away to take a pastoral assignment in California, the frequent quail hunting trips with Sid had been reduced to a once a year event.  The bird population was one cause of the reduction.  It had decreased because of poor hatches, certainly not because of the keen hunting skills of the men.  Then, too, Lyle had accepted a more time-intensive responsibility as an associate pastor.  His job description included the same tasks he had carried for three years in addition to supervision of seven staff members and more frequent preaching assignments.  When he left Oklahoma, the declining friendship was abandoned too.  But upon moving back to Oklahoma twelve years later, picking up the friendship with Sid felt easy and natural for Lyle.

Before Lyle left, Sid and Janie had stopped attending First Church.  No one had said anything directly.  Lyle wondered whether to ask.  Two clues, perhaps three, suggested why attendance at worship had stopped for Sid and Janie.  “I don’t really feel comfortable there,” Sid commented casually.  He mumbled something about the size of the large church.  Left with the impression, however, that the friendship had been strained, Lyle did not ask more.  Thinking this feeling on Sid’s part would pass, the matter never again came up.  He didn’t need anyone hassling him.  Sid’s work situation was not pleasant anyway.  He felt he was not appreciated, however hard he worked.

In another conversation Sid related his difficulties trying to stop smoking.  Cold turkey quitting was not successful.  Chewing gum as a substitute helped to decrease the number of cigarettes, at least for a while.  But after trying to taper off nicotine by use of special filters, Sid admitted to Lyle: “The reason I can’t quit smoking is that I enjoy it.  I don’t want to quit.  It's a spiritual thing.”

Although Lyle occasionally invited Sid and Janie to special events at church, he felt as though he was only straining the friendship further.  Family walks often took Lyle, his wife, and his daughters by the Ellis’ home.  But other than informal and impromptu curbside meetings, Lyle and Sid and Janie were rarely in touch.

Now twelve years later the opportunity to teach young people preparing for ministry at a Christian college appealed to Lyle and he returned to Oklahoma.  Upon moving into the community, Lyle inquired among friends about Sid and Janie, learning that they lived in the area.  Lyle looked through the phone book.  Sure enough, they still owned the same home.

The phone call was a happy occasion with the welcomed laughter and exchange of family information.  They set a time to get together at the Ellis home.

Lyle’s anticipation of seeing Sid and Janie was well rewarded.  Sid’s vigorous handshake and Janie’s smile and offer of a soda instantly renewed the friendship.  Conversation flowed easily and quickly.

Sid’s work had become increasingly unbearable, Lyle learned.  The industry was declining, work was in short supply, and the working conditions were unsafe.  Management refused to make changes.  Sid, willing to risk, had voiced the concerns of his fellow employees.  Afterwards, he felt alienated from the company and abandoned by his co-workers.  He resisted consistently the management’s pressure to take short cuts.  While Sid admitted he was a perfectionist, he also took pride in his work.

From the kitchen where she was drying dishes as Lyle and Sid threw darts, Janie reported that Sidney, their son, was finishing up college at OSU.  Their daughter, Amber, had graduated and was working as a dietitian at a hospital in California.

Lyle enjoyed playing darts but his accuracy at darts was no better than with quail.  Lyle’s errant throws brought laughter from everyone.  Wow, could Sid group them!

Because of their busy schedules, phone conversations often substituted for get-togethers.  Lyle traveled, so plans were hard to make and to keep.  Wednesday afternoons became a time when Lyle called.  They laughed over the predictability of the late afternoon chat.

While too infrequent, the times together seemed to intensify their friendship.  Unlike some of Lyle’s friends,  Sid and Janie asked questions about his work, family, and interests.  They listened intently to Lyle’s account of his younger brother’s cancer, surgery, and recovery.  God had answered their prayers.  Sid and Janie shared their concern.

He felt relaxed when he was with Sid and Janie.  He admired their devotion to each other.  They always offered a soda and themselves. Upon leaving their home Lyle would sometimes pray, a ritual they too welcomed.  He left their home feeling good, but down deep he was concerned about the seeming absence of a close relationship between God and the Ellis’.

Seated on the couch one day in the Ellis home, Lyle, Sid, and Janie continued to share their lives.  Lyle related how Pam, a young nurse and recent college graduate, had been shot by three teenagers who wanted her car.  Sid and Janie shared his sorrow.  Sid, perched on the fireplace hearth, expressed concerns about the condition of society.  Lyle told of the helpful activity of God among the folks who knew Pam.  He related how the church had gathered together to mourn, and had become a vehicle of grace to the grieving.

The conversation switched to upcoming camping trip they were planning.  Janie wanted to come along and include Lyle's wife.  They agreed she’d be included.  Some mention was made of the men's culinary skills being no better their hunting skills.

Janie asked Lyle: “Next time you’re going to preach, let us know.  We’ll come to hear you.”  And they did, even expressing interest in Lyle's sermon.

Lyle invited them to church and particularly to events he thought they would enjoy.  They always responded graciously, but attended just once.  Lyle inwardly wondered if he were pressuring them.  On one occasion Janie explained that they had a routine on Sunday morning of visiting her mother who was confined to a nursing home.  Breaking the long established routine would not be helpful for her mother.

The excitement increased as the camping/hunting/fishing trip became a reality.  The men had their usual luck.  The fish and game seemed to know they were coming.  But the time around the fire was as alive as the flames were bright.  Story followed story ending either in laughter or the beginning of yet another tale.

Conversation turned to God, spiritual experiences, and questions about faith and religion.  Janie inquired as to why Nazarenes believe as they do, while other denominations hold differing views.  “Where do the Mormons fit?” she also asked.

As the four lounged near the campfire, Sid’s next statement hit Lyle hard.   “Janie and I aren’t Christians, you know.  We make no claim to be.  We try to live right.  I think we’re good people.”  Lyle nodded.  He knew they were.

Lyle tried to turn the conversation to Sid’s distance from God but didn’t know what to say.  The conversation moved on to other things, and Lyle filed the statement, “We aren’t Christians,” intending to come back to it later.

Another fishing date was set.  Clouds and drizzle darkened the chosen morning, however, so the guys took refuge at McDonalds, hoping the drizzle would let up as they sipped coffee.  Sid seemed distant, even troubled.  The conversation remained light, however.  Lyle hoped to ask Sid about the statement, “We aren’t Christians,” but Sid continued on about the bad weather adding that he wasn’t sure where to fish the lake anymore.  He also confided that he had not been feeling too well lately and had been forced to miss work.

Sensing that day was not good, Lyle suggested they cancel their plans.  Sid agreed.  Disappointed, but still confident there would be another day, Lyle decided not to ask Sid about his comment around the campfire.

A few weeks later, Sid phoned crying.  He had lost his job.  Possible leads for other employment had fallen through.  He was depressed.  He told Lyle he’d started drinking heavily.

“Can I come over to see you?” asked Lyle.

“Not now,” Sid responded.

They set another time to meet, but Sid canceled to work on his car.  Still another appointment was canceled because Sid had a scheduling conflict.  But they stayed in touch by phone, and the contact was meaningful.  Sid told Lyle he loved him, and a great affirmation it was!  Lyle responded in kind and added that he prayed almost daily for Sid and Janie.  Sid thanked him.  They prayed together on the phone, not an unusual practice in the friendship.

And now Sid was dead.  Lyle cried.  He probed himself.  “Why didn’t you ask Sid about his statement, ‘Janie and I aren’t Christians.'  It's not that you don’t know how.”  Several entrees even came to mind: “When we were around the campfire...," and "You mentioned you aren’t a Christian and I want to encourage you along the path to becoming one.”

Lyle probed deeper: “Was I faithful to God?  Was I a responsible witness to God’s love before Sid?  What else could I have done?”

Lyle was uncertain about keeping his composure enough to minister at the funeral.  But he really wanted to comfort Janie, the kids, and Sid’s friends.  God steadied him.  The funeral served as a real tribute to Sid.  “God helped me with my grief,” Lyle later told his wife.

The toughest part came immediately after the funeral at the grave site as Sid’s friends asked whether Sid was right with God?  Lyle responded: "I don’t know for sure.”  At the same time his discomfort increased.  “What could I have done to assure Sid accepted Christ.”

Janie and Lyle talked several times in the days following the funeral.  “Janie, I wonder if I should have said more to Sid about his relationship with God.”

“Sid liked the fact you didn’t push," she related back  "You made him feel at ease.  He felt that somehow being around you might help him.  Kinda like God might look favorably because he had been with you.”

Lyle felt sick.  “Was Sid counting on the wrong thing to make him right with God?” he asked himself.   “Did I fail to make clear to Sid that he could be saved by grace through faith in Christ?”

“Sid thought it hypocritical to be something he wasn’t,” Janie went on.  “Sid and I agreed we didn’t know if there is a God.  I’m not sure myself.”

“Oh, but I see God at work in your life in several ways.”

“You do?” Janie replied, “Where?”

“Remember the time around the campfire,” Lyle inquired, “when Sid told me that neither of you were Christians?  I intended to talk to Sid about that comment.  Now maybe I can talk to you.”